Mapping the limits of the soul 3A: Somebody that you used to know?
Today I was thinking on the song Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye. A really intuitively emotionally accurate description of a breakdown in human relations, when they go badly.
And something struck me super clearly. I do not believe that I am any longer somebody that anybody used to know. I feel new.
People who meet me now have no opportunity to experience the ‘used to’ part of the sentence, and people I have known for years, I feel, often know me as somebody I am not. As a grumpy, stodgy, angry, conflicted, closed-minded douche.
It is weird how circumstances affect people, and I feel that my life now is leading me down a path to wonderful freedom and embracing the contradictions in my soul!
Today, I introduced myself as “I am Ben” in a voice of confident certainty. I have never done that in my whole life! Gone are the days of “My name is Ben” and lack of self-knowledge and acceptance.
Today, also, I was sitting in the hospital. I was listening to music. As soon as the music started, I started grooving. I looked up, and saw this:
It was exactly how I felt!! No self-consciousness. It was like I was a small kid again, just doing what felt right in the moment with no thought to judgement. This shall support more investigation!!
But tonight I shall be posting three entries, and that these entries I think give a glimpse into the diversity of my soul, the contradictions. How could I ever hope to find a girl who could cover this ground with me??
Very happy, no hurt does not cover the concept satisfied…